The Truth in Pretending
by smallearthcat
Summary: Kirk and McCoy have to pretend to be a couple for a mission. Feelings ensue. Kirk/McCoy slash.


"Spock? You honestly think Spock would be a better choice than me?" McCoy's eyebrow was as high up on his forehead as Jim had ever seen it, which was quite impressive after five years of being best friends who spent practically all their time together.

Jim did his best to keep a straight face. "Well, yeah. I mean, everyone knows that Vulcans aren't very physically affectionate, so it won't be that difficult to pretend we're together. We won't really have to change anything at all."

McCoy scoffed. "Sure, right. Except for the part where you've obviously forgotten that the Azhle take notice of things like closeness and affection, which you know very well you don't have with Spock-" He stopped talking abruptly as Jim's laughter finally broke through. "Oh, you fucker."

Jim reigned in his mirth as best he could. "Of course I was gonna take you, but you're not exactly the most affectionate person either; I couldn't help giving you a little shit about it."

"Equating me with Spock is a little bit above and beyond."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you'll be perfect, Bones. Or I'll just have to be over the top to make up for you. Either way."

Jim yelped as he was tackled to the ground. It was another ten minutes before he managed to convince McCoy to stop tickling him.

Jim's eyes swept quickly over the outer veneer of the impressive building in front of which he and McCoy had just materialized. It was huge (as he would have expected) and almost overly ornately decorated. Jim glanced over at his friend, wondering if they'd be able to pull this off. As much shit as Jim had given Bones about not being affectionate enough to convince people they were a couple, Jim was more worried about himself. It wasn't that he couldn't be affectionate with Bones (that had always come easily) so much as it was that he was afraid he'd inadvertently forget himself and go flirting with Ambassador Noelika, which would certainly screw them out of a chance at negotiating a treaty between the Azhle and the Federation.

See, it was well known to Starfleet that the Ambassador would not deal with any single man. Why, exactly, Jim wasn't certain, but that didn't matter much in the long run. He'd tried to get Starfleet to send another ship - preferably one with a married or female captain - but no such luck. The Enterprise was the only ship close enough to make it to the conference on Azhlon on short notice, so Jim had had to take on the mission himself. The only problem, of course, was that he was single, but it was easy enough to lie about that and convince Bones to come down to the conference with him, not only as the ship's doctor, but as his significant other.

Jim had obviously gotten lost in thought, because it took McCoy waving a hand in front of his face to bring him back to the moment. "Where the hell were you just at?" McCoy asked as soon as Jim focused on him.

"Nowhere, Bones, just considering how best to handle the situation."

"Well, might help if we actually _went in_."

Jim smiled. "Right you are, Bones."

He only managed two steps before McCoy caught up to him and grabbed his hand, twining their fingers together. Jim nearly stopped dead, about to ask what the hell was going on, because though he knew intellectually that they'd have to do things like that, the fact that McCoy initiated that first couply act was unexpected. Jim let himself be pulled along until they got to the steps of the building, and then he matched McCoy's stride. He did his best to ignore the warmth of McCoy's hand and the secure grip, not wanting to dwell too much on this or anything else that happened in the few days they were going to be there.

Jim had once again lost himself in thought and was brought back by McCoy nudging him in the turbolift (and when had they gotten there?) before rattling off the access code to their room. "Seriously, Jim, what's going on? You keep getting lost in your own head, and this is never going to work."

"I'm fine. Let's just get settled in so we actually have a little time to relax before all the schmoozing starts."

McCoy nodded but didn't say anything as he punched in the access code that let them into their room. It was pretty nice, as far as rooms went (certainly better than many Jim had stayed in in his time), but he was somehow surprised at there being one bed. "Bones?"

McCoy, as usual, displayed his uncanny ability to know exactly what Jim was thinking. "Oh come on, Jim, how did you not think of that? With your reputation, no one would believe we were a couple if we didn't sleep together."

"The whole point is for people _not_ to know my reputation." Jim mumbled. "Besides, we could just be taking it slow."

McCoy laughed hard at that for a solid minute, even doubling over at one point.

Jim frowned. "What's so funny about that, asshole?"

McCoy's laughter tapered off and he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "I doubt you've ever gone slowly with anyone in your life."

Jim couldn't help the small smile that broke free at that because, well, it was true, and obviously Bones knew that. "Okay, maybe not. But still, isn't this gonna be kind of...awkward?"

McCoy smirked. "Are you getting _shy_ on me, Jim? Because I doubt sleeping in the same bed as someone is something new for you."

"As if. I just know you."

"Jim, I was married for almost ten years."

That didn't mean that Bones would just slide into it easily, but Jim decided to let it go. It might be awkward, but he is used to sleeping with other people, and if Bones has an issue, well, he can just sleep in the chair or something.

"Alright, it'll be fine. Let's just get unpacked and everything."

Jim turned to his bag and started pulling out articles of clothing, completely missing the look of determination on McCoy's face.

Jim tugged uncomfortably at the jacket of his dress uniform; he'd never been fond of wearing it, but it seemed to be bothering him even more than usual. Then again, he was also trying to ignore the hand on his elbow that McCoy was using to gently steer him around the room. It was strange, letting someone else essentially guide his movements, but somehow, it was kind of nice. Not to mention that the extended contact meant that it was more difficult to forget himself and start flirting, which was actually turning out to be less of a problem than he expected. Bones was looking pretty damn good in his dress uniform, and Jim was finding himself more distracted by the body that never seemed to be more than a foot away from him than by any of the more scantily-clad female bodies in the room.

None of this was helped by the fact that Bones was really focused on Jim as well. He (surprisingly) wasn't being overbearing or anything, just making sure that Jim had food and drink when he wanted them and changing the subject if a conversation staled. It was rather...charming, to be honest; Jim wasn't used to people paying attention to him like that.

Everything was going really well, and then Ambassador Noelika appeared in the room. Jim was instantly on alert, and McCoy noticed pretty quickly, giving Jim an unreadable glance before taking hold of his elbow once more and circuitously steering them in the Ambassador's direction. It was only a matter of minutes before they made it over to her, and Jim found himself kind of nervous to do introductions. Then again, he'd have been a fool not to be nervous; a lot was hanging on her first impression of them.

"Ambassador Noelika," Jim greeted her once she was finished talking to one of her colleagues.

She turned to face him, and yeah, wow, was she ever beautiful. He'd never been one to get tongue-tied around a woman, but she almost proved to be an exception. He hesitated a moment longer than normal, and a suspicious look came over her face.

"And who might you be?" The words were polite enough, but her tone made it clear that if they didn't get to the point immediately, there wasn't going to be a conversation at all.

"Please excuse him, Ambassador; he's a bit tired from the busy evening. I'm Doctor Leonard McCoy, and this is my partner, Captain James Kirk." McCoy was really laying his accent on thick, and Jim shivered slightly. Why, he wasn't exactly sure, because he'd never had quite that reaction when his friend's accent made an appearance before. Maybe he was just colder than he'd realized.

"Oh, of course. You're from the Federation, yes?"

"Yes we are, Ambassador. If you have a few moments to spare, I'd welcome the opportunity to speak to you about the possibility of Azhlon joining the Federation."

"Indeed, Captain Kirk, I would be pleased to discuss the matter with you."

McCoy squeezed Jim's elbow gently, and Jim turned to him. Before Jim could get a word out, though, McCoy's lips were pressed to his in a soft, quick kiss. "I'll just leave you two to it. Come find me when you're done."

With that, McCoy strode off, getting swallowed up by the crowd almost immediately. Jim didn't even realize his fingers were touching his tingling lips until the Ambassador laid a hand on his arm to get his attention. "Your partner is quite the gentleman, isn't he?"

"He most certainly is." Jim pulled himself together and focused his attention back on the Ambassador. "Now, from what I hear, Azhlon could make quite an addition to the Federation."

The conversation with Noelika ran on for longer than Jim had anticipated, mostly because once they had finished talking about Azhlon and the Federation (well, as much as they could without actually sitting down and discussing drawing up documents), she had wanted to hear all about McCoy. Jim, of course, was happy to oblige, especially since Bones was heavily on his mind the entire time they were talking, anyway. It was only after forty-five minutes had passed that Jim realized how late it had gotten and that he really should be finding Bones so they could head back to their room for a good night's sleep before things really started in the morning. He eventually excused himself from the Ambassador, and as soon as she had turned her attention elsewhere it seemed, McCoy was next to him, asking how it went while they made their way back to their room.

Things were going well, not awkward at all, even when they got there and had to maneuver around each other to get ready for bed. Then again, having spent many a night at the Academy with Jim passing out on McCoy's couch, they were already sort of used to that. It did get a little awkward when they were both ready to go to bed; they just stood at the foot of the bed for a minute, staring at it without even glancing at each other.

"So, you take the left, I'll take the right?" Jim finally asked, letting a goofy smile cross his face as he dove into the bed.

He succeeded in breaking the tension, and McCoy crawled in a moment later. They kept their distance from each other - not difficult, given the size of the bed - but there was a feeling of comfort. Jim suddenly found himself so tired he was barely able to keep his eyes open, so he didn't even try.

When Jim woke in the morning, it took him a little while to figure out where he was and what was going on. He'd always been sort of slow in coming to consciousness, which oftentimes led to confusion if he woke up in someone else's bed or not alone. That morning was no exception, especially because he had something of a clingy bedmate. It was nice, no doubt about that, but he really wasn't used to waking up with anyone who did the cuddling thing.

As Jim's brain climbed to higher consciousness, he tried to determine how much work it was going to take to free himself from his bedmate. Bones - that's who he was sleeping with. He pried his eyes open the slightest amount to survey the situation. The strange thing was, it didn't look all that much like Bones was wrapped around him. Actually, it looked a lot more like he was the one all over Bones. He slid his arm from around Bones' waist and unwrapped his legs from around the one of Bones' they had trapped.

Jim rolled out of bed as carefully and quietly as he could, but the unfamiliar surroundings and the fact that he was still barely awake caused him to bang into the table in their room. McCoy shot up into a sitting position, his eyes flying open, and Jim was fleetingly glad he wasn't still in bed for that. Then again, if he _had_ still been in bed, it probably wouldn't have happened in the first place.

He made his way to the bathroom, managing not to stumble into anything else along the way. By the time he finished up and made his way back out, he was significantly more awake, and McCoy had already begun gathering a clean uniform for the day. Jim began his own morning routine, and if anything, they worked around each other even more smoothly than they had the night before.

It was no surprise, but in light of the whole 'pretending to be a couple' thing, Jim was inadvertently picking apart every little interaction. He hadn't realized before how proficient they'd become at sharing space, something he had never really done with anyone before but somehow slid into without even noticing. This, he imagined, was how he'd want to be with an actual significant other - knowing each other so well that no words had to be exchanged to allow them both time to get ready, despite their quirks (like Bones refusing to let Jim into the bathroom to brush his teeth while he was in the shower or Jim getting tetchy if he had to share the mirror).

Jim let that line of thinking go since it wasn't getting him anywhere, besides which, they were both ready to leave their room and face the first official day of the conference.

Things went pretty well, as far as Jim was concerned, even though he saw very little of McCoy during the day. They managed to grab a quick lunch together, where there was a surprising amount of staring into each other's eyes and McCoy touching Jim's arm as he talked about whatever he'd been doing that morning (Jim didn't quite catch most of what he said, being far too distracted by everything else).

Negotiations were coming along as well, and barring major disagreements, he thought they might be able to wrap things up early and he'd be able to just relax for the rest of the conference (no way was he leaving early if he didn't have to; shore leave was infrequent and usually short, so an extra day or two was not to be given up). And of course, because everything was going so well, something was bound to happen, which it did, just not how Jim would have expected it.

That evening, there was a, well, a dance. Why, Jim wasn't sure. As far as he was concerned, they would've done better to have an open bar night or something; nothing fueled interplanetary relations like alcohol. Still, the Ambassador asked him specifically if he would be attending, so it wasn't like he had much of a choice. Even that wasn't really _that_ bad, at least not until Noelika asked McCoy to dance.

No big deal - it shouldn't have been, at least - except that Jim couldn't seem to take his eyes off the two of them. McCoy's arm was around her waist, and he was smiling and focusing completely on her, and it just wasn't fair, because that should be _Jim_ in his arms and at the center of his attention. With that thought came the realization that he might kinda, sorta be...jealous.

It was rather jarring, as far as realizations went. Even being best friends for years and practically living in each other's pockets for most of that time wasn't preparation enough. Oh sure, he'd noticed that McCoy was attractive, and yeah, McCoy was the only one he could count on to be there whenever Jim needed him. Okay, so maybe he should have gotten there sooner; at least he was finally there. Now all he had to do was...

"Jim, you with me?"

Jim shook his head, surprised to see Bones standing right in front of him. "Yeah, yeah."

"Well, are we going to dance or not?"

Jim smiled and followed Bones out onto the dance floor. That was more like it; now he was where he should be, where he wanted to be. The problem was that while Bones was completely focusing on him once again, Jim had no idea if it was actually what _Bones_ wanted to be doing. Hell, as far as Bones was concerned, this entire thing was just another mission. So what if they had to kiss and sleep in the same bed and pretend to be together? It didn't necessarily _mean_ anything. But really, that was a matter to think of another time; right now, he should be concentrating on Bones.

Once Jim brought himself back into the moment, he saw something like an affectionate smile on McCoy's face. It wasn't anything he hadn't seen a hundred times before, but for some reason, it made his breath catch this time. That smile, that _affection_ was all for him.

A second later, McCoy leaned forward to whisper in Jim's ear. "I know you're not overly fond of dancing, but it's not really that bad, is it?"

He leaned back to look Jim in the eye. Jim hadn't even given that a second thought, really. Dancing with Bones just seemed, well, it was just better somehow. "Of course not." He smiled. "Especially since I have a partner who actually knows how to dance."

McCoy laughed at that, and Jim couldn't help but join him. He knew they were both thinking of the last time they'd been at a dance, when Jim had probably managed to find and dance with every girl in the room who had not a clue what she was doing.

They continued on in silence, with Jim unsure whether he should be confused by his feelings or pleased just to be there with his best friend. Just before the song ended, Jim caught McCoy saying something about drinks, and he nodded absently. When it did end, they stepped apart, and McCoy pulled Jim's hand up and touched his lips briefly to the back of it, keeping his eyes locked on Jim.

A shiver went through Jim's entire body, and he stood there, dazed, as McCoy walked away. And okay, maybe he was well on his way to feeling pleased about it after all.

The next morning, they woke up in a similar state, with Jim having tangled himself with McCoy in the night. Unlike the previous morning, though, he was more loath to extract himself. He ended up lying there half-asleep for the next ten minutes, uncomplicatedly happy for the moment at least. When the computer chimed to wake them, he reluctantly pulled himself away to get ready for the day.

Things progressed much as they had the day before, with Jim stuck in negotiations and McCoy off doing...well, whatever it was he was actually doing. They saw each other once or twice throughout the course of the day, and each time, Jim felt unaccountably lighter. Okay, maybe not so unaccountably, but there was no point in thinking about any of this as if it could _mean_ anything, not even in his own head. Even if he wanted his best friend, there was no reason to believe that the feeling might be mutual.

Except for the fact that Jim had never seen Bones act like this with anyone else before, and he'd been around for all the failed dates and relationships Bones had had at the Academy (not so much after that because, well, Jim wasn't exactly sure why). Bones could always be counted upon to be a gentleman, but the fact of the matter was that Jim had never seen him be quite so...intent on someone before.

And yes, it could be chalked up to needing to do a good job in order to complete the mission, but Jim frankly didn't think that McCoy was that good of an actor. Still, he'd be taking an awfully big risk if he made a move and was all wrong about the situation. Right?

That day saw the end of negotiations as well as Jim making a resolution to not to say anything to McCoy. They'd only be pretending for a couple more days, and then it would be back to the ship and business as usual. He could and would handle that, and then all the confusion of suddenly being thrown into this could just fade away. Exactly. He was brilliant.

It would have worked splendidly, Jim was sure, if it weren't for the fact that he forgot that with the end of negotiations, the following days would be spent almost entirely in McCoy's company. Rather than just a few confusingly wonderful moments of seeing each other, they were together practically from the moment they got up until the moment they went to bed (and then, of course, they were still together anyway).

Jim didn't even make it halfway through the next day before deciding his resolution was crap and pulling McCoy into a lingering kiss in an empty hallway. McCoy kissed back rather enthusiastically, and Jim would have been quite happy to stay there for longer than the half a minute or so they spent there before McCoy pulled back and silently tugged him back out to where they had originally been heading. Jim caught a glimpse of Noelika as they moved into a more crowded corridor, and she had a pleased smile on her face. Oh, right. McCoy probably thought Jim was just kissing him to be convincing. Well, shit.

The rest of their time at the conference flew by in a similar way, with Jim tentatively trying to make McCoy see that there was more to this, for him at least. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to work. Either McCoy was being a willfully obstinate bastard or he was just really caught up in the fiction of it all. In any case, it left Jim incredibly frustrated. When it was time for them to beam back aboard the Enterprise, he was more than ready to be there.

The problem was that instead of everything going back to normal, Jim couldn't seem to turn his new feelings off. He and McCoy went back to acting the way they had beforehand, but Jim couldn't help but feel the urge to lace their fingers together when walking down a corridor or give McCoy a quick peck when they parted ways or seek McCoy out at night so they could share a bed once more.

Eventually, it got to the point where it was too difficult not to do any of those things, and Jim finally decided that they would just have to talk about it. With that in mind, he made his was to McCoy's quarters after he knew McCoy would be off-duty and was almost certain to be relaxing alone.

"Bones, we've got to talk," Jim pronounced as soon as the door had shut behind him.

McCoy raised an eyebrow. "Are you breaking up with me, Jim?"

Jim snorted. McCoy sounded serious, but the upturned corner of his mouth gave away his amusement. "Hardly. We'd have to be together for that to be an option."

McCoy narrowed his eyes at that; Jim had always been terrible at making things sound sarcastic, especially when they touched on what he actually wanted to say. "You alright, Jim? You've been acting sort of...off since we got back from Azhlon."

Of course McCoy would be able to get right to the heart of the matter so easily. Jim found himself unexpectedly nervous at the thought of having this conversation. "I'm, well, I mean...I don't really know how to act around you anymore." Not exactly what he'd meant to say, but it was close, at least.

"Because it was awkward pretending to be together or because you miss it?"

Jim felt his cheeks grow warm and cursed mentally; he shouldn't be _blushing_ about this, for God's sake. "Second one," he finally got out after a long pause.

"Christ, why didn't you say anything?"

McCoy looked...exceptionally open and possibly a little bit vulnerable. "Why?" Jim let out an almost hysterical laugh. "Because it wasn't supposed to be _real_. But you were just so...it started to feel real."

"That's because I was actually _trying_, Jim." McCoy let out a frustrated huff. "You were all," he waved a hand as if to illustrate, "disbelieving at first, so I figured I'd make it good. I didn't know it would actually _work_."

"Work?" Jim's lips tugged up into a small smirk.

"Don't go getting all cocky about it. If ever there was a time to take the opportunity to try, that was it."

"Aw, Bones, I didn't know you cared."

"You did too, you ass. Now you know how much."

Jim stepped into McCoy's personal space, wrapping his arms around McCoy's neck. "Now I know how much."

The kiss that followed was every bit as good as their previous ones had promised it would be, but better because, you know, they both meant it this time.


End file.
